Cheerful with Sarcasm

The Cheerful Part:

Somebody sent me a text at 5AM yesterday while I was about to sleep.

"Farhana, somebody told me before that I was friendly to people. Somehow, I felt like I was losing it and started to ignore people. But when she said that to me, it really made my day. It was you. Thanks Farhana"

and

"I still can't forget when you requested to take pictures with us. It really made my day. Thanks. My point is that you had once made my day. Thanks and that's all [insert smiley]"

The last time I saw him was in March.

I think so [sweat drop]

If you somehow (which I doubt) read this blog entry, I'm sorry I posted parts of your texts.

Like I am to you, these texts are inspirational to me [smiles]

Well at least until today.

Truthfully, I really don't want to be too cheerful because of it, but thank you.

Thank you for making my day yesterday.



The Sarcasm Part:

I know why you hate me and non-stap telling lies about me to your friends, in hoping that your friends will believe you and not talk to me anymore.

You are angry at me for something I did not do.

Because your love was not successfully exchanged with my good friend, you see me talking nicely with them, ugly jealousy started to eat you wholely.

Because he is quite handsome and a catch, the jealousy inside you starts to blind your thinking.

You are really ugly for being such person.

I don't care if you are the most beautiful person on earth but your heart is beyond ugly that people around you will start to notice how ugly you really are.

Spread more lies as you will.

No wonder he can't return your love. Ha!

[laughs]

The Night Sky

Tonight, while looking at the night sky, a lot of things entered my mind.

The past.
The present.
The future.

I feel at ease the most when I look at the sky, especially the night sky.

It is difficult to explain that kind of feeling I get when looking at the sky. It is a mixture of sadness and happiness together.

Trufthfully, I miss the life I had in the States- the life that I can never get back.

Even now, all people that can be called as my friends, they have been well informed that I really want to go to Japan and live there.

A dream that I don't know if it will ever be reached.

I still remember some years ago, I would look at the sky with my iPod Mini playing sad melodies in my ears.

Whenever I felt like I could not breathe and when my mind still could not erase the sad stories of me and my ex-boyfriend, I would go look at the sky.

It was as if I felt the clouds which were passing by slowly, were my journey in life, which was going slowly too.

Stupid, I know.

But now, no matter how many times I said I am at that point in life when I feel content (well not so much, but still),

because I don't have that boyfriend figure beside me, my friends tend to think "She's just saying that so that she won't look so sad"

Why is that?

Seriously.

Must I have a boyfriend to be someone special?

My Pigg friend from Finland said, "You don't have to have a boyfriend to be special"

How come someone is so far knows me better than people around me, who I can meet?

A friend asked me when I said a boyfriend isn't that important,

"What would you do if you finish your work late at night and suddenly the car you're driving breaks down? A boyfriend can take care of you. I will call my boyfriend to pick me up"

I replied, "For me, I would try to take the public transportation"

She had to say, "You cannot even trust public transport at night"

In my head, I was like, "What? You can't trust the subway and trains?"

But I replied, "Then, I would call my friends"

She had to say, "But your friends all have their own commitments or they don't even have their own transport to fetch you up"

In my head, I was like, "Well, that's just sad if all my friends cannot help me this once. It is not like ask for their help everyday. These people can be called friends?"

But I replied, "Well, guy friends always have cars"

She had to say, "All good guy friends always end up being my boyfriends"

...............

..........................

..................................


Well, that's just sad if you don't have guy friends that don't end up being your ex boyfriends.

Because I have a lot of good guy friends that are not my boyfriends or ex-boyfriends.

The way I see it, you just have to win, don't you?

If you have boyfriend, you will do anything to say that having a boyfriend is important.

If you are single, you will do anything to say that being independent as a single woman is important.

This is why I don't like to talk about relationships with my friends.

[laughs]

Then, while still looking at the sky, I think,

maybe instead of getting angry all the time, I should be grateful that my life is not that bad compared to the people in Gaza and such,

and that I don't have to go to hospital every week to clean my kidneys and such,

and that I can walk instead of moving in wheelchairs,

and that I have a home instead of being an immigrant in squatters,

I know.

But,

I think I should not be satisfied with all this just yet,

If I am very satisfied, I don't have motivations to be better and live in a better house and lead a better life.

Maybe it's just a human nature that can never be satisfied with life.

Not Anymore

At this moment I am not angry anymore that I'm not able to online on Pigg on my stupid computer.

Well, at least, I am not that angry anymore [sweat drop]

Yesterday afternoon I drew ayabie's vocalist Aoi.

I had to practice my hand to draw a simple potrait because I think my drawing skill has gone down the drain [head bangs onto desk]



Do you want to know why I'm so happy right now?

I saw someone su~per kawaii with a su~per kawaii smile!

I was watching SS501's new MV and when I saw him, I had tears in my eyes!!

He is so~~~ cute, isn't he?

Even though he is Korean, he looks like Japanese kawaii guy, doesn't he? [smiles]

The one I like is Park Jungmin- you can see his very cute act at 1:39! [insert big heart here]

I'm sorry Dong Hae and Jungmin's group mate... but I have to like Jungmin now!

Jungmin wasn't in the "UR Man" because he was busy filming something I can't remember.

So since Jungmin wasn't in that MV, the next handsome guy in UR Man was that tattoo on his chest whom I have no idea what his name is.

Also, I don't fancy his other group mate, the guy in Boys Over Flowers, anymore.

And why isn't he smiling in this MV??? [shock]

Hua ha ha [evil laughs]

Sorry! But Jungmin has cute smile~~~ I like~~


This MV was on KBS channel tonight.

I said to my sister, "You're going to search for this MV on Youtube afterward, aren't you? And I know who they are"

She automatically replied, "No. The song is like a girl song"

After a few seconds she added, "But then the music is nice. Who are they???"

"Shh... let's watch this until the end first," I said to annoy her a little while laughing.

And then I heard,

"TELL ME!!!"

Macam....

... celake.

Kalau nampak aku gembira, takleh kan...

Kalu nampak aku ketawa dengan senyum sepuas hati, takleh kan...

Nanti mesti nak buat aku marah.

Kalau aku happy siiiiikiiiiit je takleh!!!

Apsal ha?

Rasa cam celake je sekarang.

Buat aku marah sket², takleh

Nak gak bagi aku marah all out kan...

Celake gile hidup kalau cemnih!

Aku baruuuuuu je nak rasa hidup sangat bagus dan sangat happy!

Bagi ar aku happy kejap time cuti nih!!!!!!!

Bajet ar nak bagi aku happy time semester dah start!!!

Memang tak dapat ar kan jack!!!!

Ameba Pigg skg dah takleh load...

3 hari je KOT aku bleh online!!!

Pastuh 3 minggu lagi kau tak bagi aku online kat Pigg...

Pastu nanti bagi aku online balik

tapi 3 hari je!!!!! TIGA HARI JE!!!!

Siot!!! SIOT!!!!

Celake kan...

Sims 2 aku pun takleh loading...

Sape² yang cakap aku pemalas sambung episode 4 aku tuh memang nak kene penampar sekor²

Kau bajet aku cam kau? Pemalas je keje??!!

Bodoh! Aku da buat macam² da kot tanak loading gak!!!

Siap ar kau kalau carik pasal lagi dengan aku!!!

Biar aku malukan semua sialan tu sampai tak terhingga!!

Sial gile!!!

Today takde nak citer happy² sbb skg hari celake!!!!!

Bodoh!!!

Ameba blog aku pun haram... ranking dah naik

Sekang dah turun melampau sbb aku takleh nak update!!!

Aku sangat marah sekarang ok!!!

Internet dah start lembab

Sangat ^&*$#*#&*@^@*@(*@)!!!!

Dah buat segala macam nak bagi laju pun takleh gak kan

Life yang best yang aku mimpikan takleh nak reach!!!!

Ye ar nanti ada orang cakap "Life kat internet bukan segalanya"

Kau ingat aku ada duit nak gi travel????!!!

Kau ingat aku ada duit nak gi mall pun????!!!!!!

Takkan nak duduk rumah je kot takde entertainment!!!!

Kau ada duit bleh ar cakap cemtuh!

Dah la PS2 takleh guna dah!!!

Dulu bleh ar.... internet pun aku tak usik sbb main PS2 je keje!!!

Yang aku paling nak marah sekali....

Aku jumpa 2 lelaki yang best kan kat Pigg tu tapi sekarang aku takleh online!!!

AAAAAAARGH!!!!

Bodoh!!!

Dah ar... tanak tulis lagi!!

Tulis pun cam Tuhan nak baca and tolong aku je!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm sorry about today.

My very limited patience has lost.

The mood

... is gone!

I mean, the good mood to write anything on this blog is gone.

For now, I'm in the mood to write on my Japanese blog.

I have been updating frequently on Ameba.

Please forgive me.

It's just that whatever I write here, the things that I write about will come back to take me down sooner than I think.

Do you understand what I'm saying? [laughs]

When I write in Japanese , none of anyone related to my family to the extend of family can read it, right? [laughs]

So, I feel a little safe there [sweat drop]

Also, Ameba makes blogging a lot of fun!

When I find the mood to write here again,

I will write a lot.

For now,

I'm sorry.

Perspectives

These are some views that I did for this semester's final project.

No, it was not done in 3D software and yes, everyday I feel bad that I still don't know how to make models in 3D software.

This semester break, I have decided to learn the basics of modelling in 3D Maxx, at least.

I want to be able to do a beautiful 3D with nice lighting settings for my final year project.

Because I am in the degree level after all.

When I go out to work, the boss is not going to be happy that I don't know how to produce a proper computer-generated 3D.

If I can learn how to use Adobe Photoshop and Dreamweaver all by myself, I think I am able to learn 3D Maxx by myself too.

If there's a will, there's a way- that's what they say, right?

And there's a high level of will accumulated inside me [laughs]

Wish me luck with it yes? [smiles]

These are perspective I did manually and then rendered in Photoshop. I had fun with it.

Some say it looked as if I did it with simple 3D software, "Sketch-Up"

There are not beautiful [sweat drop] but I hope you like them- the perspectives of my Community Center- Kelab Sultan Sulaiman in Kampung Baru, Kuala Lumpur.

Please apologize for the small size. I had to resize them because the original file size is huge! [sweat drop]


The Lobby Waiting Area

I did not get the chance to design the ceiling and general lighting! So it looks a little dark [cries]



The Lobby Reception Area

Sorry, it looks bad [punches self]

I did not get the chance to make sunlight comes streaming from the open coutyard! [cries]


The Lobby Courtyard

If you noticed a mistake in this image, I realized it all too late too and printed it out like this [cries]



I suppose they are all so bad you'd feel embarrassed of me but this is the first time I rendered perspective views on computer.

So, I feel happy a little.

The next time you see my 3D, there will be better and much more realistic.

That is my promise to myself.

For my final year, I want to beat Miji, Dainel and Shafiq in 3D and sketches [smiles]